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Santa banta sms

SANTA BANTA
Santa: Oye! What are you?
Banta: Recording this baby’s voice.
Santa: Why?
Banta: When he grows up.
”
”
”
I shall ask him what he meant by this.

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I'm coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out

A Girl Romantically said to a santa: Do U want to see the place
where they did Apendix Operation to me?
santa: No, I hate Hospitals.

Santa had a dream in which someone murdered him. Next day he closed his bank account. Know why?
Because the bank's slogan was: We make your dreams come true...

Santa: Why did the man put his radio in his refrigerator?
Banta: I give up.
Santa: Stupid, because he wanted to hear cool music

santa asks banta to bring a pepsi. banta brings a bottle of pepsi
but goes directly to Tendulkar.
why ?? why ??
Ans: Tendulkar is an opener.

Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.

Banta was repeatedly buying a movie ticket
seller asked why?
Banta: some stupid standing near the door
is tearing my ticket every time.

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Santa ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house…
still he was in jail…….why?
coz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !

Banta Went for Divorce
Judge: You have 3 Kids
How Will you Divide Them?
Banta Thinks Hard & Says,
‘Oye.. IDEA, We’ll Come Next Year With 1 More

It was Santa’s weding aniversary.
Preeto: Shall v hav Tandoori chicken to celebrate?
Santa: Y punish da poor chicken for da mistake v hav made

Doctor asks Santa to give urine sample, stool & sperm sample for his yearly checkup.
Santa: I'm in a hurry doc, can I leave my underwear!

SANTA goes 2 a hotel & after eating he goes 2 wash his hands,
but start washing the basin Manager:What r u doing?
SANTA: U have written here “WASH BASIN.”

Shopkeeper: This sweater's made of pure virgin wool sir.
Santa: You see I am not interested in the morals of the sheep. Just tell me, will it keep me warm?

Santa-Banta broke a bank,
but instead of cash they find
bottles of chilled red wine.
happily they drink and left
next day headline
~ Braking News ~
“Blood Bank Robbed”

Teacher: What is common between
Buddha,Jesus ,Mahavir and Guru Nanak?
Santa: All of them were born on government holidays

Banta to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Banta: So what, take an umbrella and go.

Two days of powercut in Delhi had made life miserable. Worst affected was Delhi Metro station where families of Santa & Banta were struck for 48 hrs on escalators

A friend asks SANTA how was ur exam?
SANTA: It was ok but i couldn”t answer past tense of THINK.
I thought, thought & finally i wrote “THUNK”.

Santa cuts sides of the capsule before taking it?
Guess why?
.
.
.
To avoid the side effects!

Santa was drawing money from ATM. Banta, who was just behind him in the line said: I've seen ur password. It’s ****. Santa: U r wrong. It’s 1394.


What is the chemical formula 4 water?
SANTA: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: wht r u talking abt? SANTA:Yesterday u said H to O

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

Santa: What”s difference between man & Superman?
Pappu: Man wears underwear under the trouser
& superman wears it over the trouser.

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't
came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else?

Banta asked Santa: Why Manmohan Singh goes for a walk in evening?
Santa: Very simple, because he is PM not AM

Santa opened a petrol pump, but not even one customer went there. You know why?


Because he opened petrol pump on second floor..

Santa walks into a library & says, “Can I have a burger and coke?”
Librarian, “I’m sorry, this is a library.
” Santa whispers, “Can I have a burger & coke?”

santa opens his lunch box in the middle of the road why?
Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from office.

Santa and Banta went for a drive.
Santa: Hey, look out from the window, are the indicators working or not?
Banta puts his head out & says "Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No, Yes-No!!!"

Q: Why did Santa take his pregnant wife Jeeto to Pizza Hut?
A: Because they advertised: ‘Free Delivery’

santa bunks office comes home & finds his wife in bed with his
boss. Rushes back to office & tells his colleagues almost got caught bunking?

Santa (reading from book of facts):
“Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash?”

Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.
After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat.

Jeeto: If I die what ‘ll you do?
Santa: I may also die.
Jeeto: Why?
Santa: Some time too much of happiness can also kill a man

One day Santas Girlfriend asks him, Darling,
om our Engagement will you give me a RING?
Santa:Ya sure, Give me your Telephone No

How did santa tried to kill a bird??
He took it to the top of a building and dropped it from there to die.

santa : “I saw my Wife going 2 a movie with a strange Man.”
Friend : “Did u follow them inside?”
“No yaar,” replied santa “I had already SEEN the Movie !”

Santa giving exam while standing at the door.
A man asked "Why are you standing at the door?"
Santa: "Idiot, I am giving entrance test."

Titanic was sinking.
An Englishman asked Santa, “How far is land”?
Santa: 2 KMs.
Englishman jumped into sea.
Englishman: Now, which direction?
Santa: Downwards!

Santa looking at himself in the mirror, "I have seen this man somewhere".
After half an hour, "Oh, its the same man, who married my wife."

Wht is the limit of foolishness?
Santa singh n banta singh fighting for a window seat on a two wheeler scooter.

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.

A friend to Sardar:
Last year the Name-Plate
outside your house
I read Santa Singh B.A
This year I read Santa Singh M.A
When did you finish yours Master Degree..?
Sardar: You don’t understand.
Last year my wife died.
I put B.A. to indicate Bachelor Again.
Then I took a second wife,
so
M.A is married again

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.

Q: How did Santa cheat the railways?
A: He bought the ticket and didn”t travel.

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked
a question -
Interviewer – Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar – Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.



Banta owned a factory.
He issued orders that only married
men would be employed.
Friend asks: Why this ?

Bant reply:
Because married men are more obedient.


Lil Banta: I dreamed last night dat u gave me Rs 500 for Christmas.
Banta Singh: Well, as you”ve been a good boy lately, you may keep it.

Banta: What”s the difference between an oral thermometer and a
rectal thermometer?
Santa: The taste.

Santa: WHat is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannt mosquito.

Banta:When did George Washington die? Santa: 2 days b4 his funeral

Banta: tell me five FERROUCIOUS animals that you can think of……
Santa: 3 lions and 2 tigers.



Banta ask santa: what will you
advise your children about marriage?

Santa declares: I’ll never marry in my life and
I’ll give same advice to my children also.


santa had called an Englishman for lunch. There was curd on the
table. The guest asked what is this? santa didn”t know English,
he said “Milk sleeping in night,morning becomes tight”

An Englishman and Santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Gud evening, we open the zip and do.

Santa is so rich he has two swimming pools,
one of which is always empty?
It”s for people who can”t swim!

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell,
Santa doesn’t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies,
I’m coming daily since 4 days,
I press the bell but no one comes out.

Santa Singh: Will this bus take me to Jalandhar?
Driver: Which part? Santa Singh: All of me, of course!

Patriotic Shayari

Patriotic SMS Shayari

Ae mere hamnasheen chal aur kahin
Is chaman ab apna gujara nahin
Baat hoti gulon tak to seh lete hum
ab to kanto pe bhi haq hamara nahin..
`
Jo Lada Tha Sipaahiyon Ki Tarah
Aisa Bharat Mein Koi Baadshah Na Hua
Rooh To Ho gayi Thi Tann Se Judaa
Haath Talwaar Se Judaa Na Hua..
`
Kuchh haath se uske fisal gaya
wah palak jhapak kar nikal gaya
Fir laash bichh gayi lakhon ki
sab palak jhapak kar badal gaya
Jab rishte raakh mein badal gaye
insaanon ka dil dahal gaya
Main poochh poochh kar haar gaya
kyon mera bhaarat badal gaya..

Patriotic Shayari in Hindi

Nain gam karan tan main mar javan,
mere yaar di yari kuj hor ho gayi,
jeda nazran de nal sohna takda si,
akh ohi te nazar kuj hor ho gayi.
`
Aandhiyon me bhi jaise kuch chirag jala kartey hai,
Utni hi himmat e hausla hum bhi rakha kartey hai,
Manzilon abhi aur dur hai hamari Manzil,
Chaand sitarey to raahon me mila kartey hai.
`
Tairana hai to Sagar ki Laharon me tairo, kinaron me kya rakkha hai !
Mohabbat karana hai to Vatan se karo,Ladakiyon me kya rakkha hai !!
`
Jo ab tak naa khola, woh khun nahi pani hai
Jo desh ke kaam naa aaye woh bekaar jawaani hai!!

Happy 62nd Independence day to All Indians.. Proud to Be Indian..

Kyon marte ho bewafa sanam k liye.???
Marna hai to maro hamare watan k liye,
Aise to do gajj zameen bhi nahi milegi dafan ke liye
Desh k liye maroge to hasinaye bhi
Dupatta utar degi kafan k liye…
Happy Independence Day to you all.!

Kyon mera bhaarat badal gaya.?

Kuchh haath se uske fisal gaya
wah palak jhapak kar nikal gaya
Fir laash bichh gayi lakhon ki
sab palak jhapak kar badal gaya
Jab rishte raakh mein badal gaye
insaanon ka dil dahal gaya
Main poochh poochh kar haar gaya
kyon mera bhaarat badal gaya.?

Orkut Shayari

Hindi Shayari

ashq bankar mere palko me rehne wali
aansuo me tera didar to kar sakta hu
jism to majbur hai
ruh to majbur nahi
mai tuje pa nahi sakta
agar pyaar to kar sakta hu…

Hamare Profile Pe Aate Hain Woh….

Hamare Profile Pe Aate Hain Woh….
Hamare Profile Pe Aate Hain Woh…………
aur ek scrap bhi nahi chod jate hai woh….
Itna Bhi Nahi Maloom Zalim ko….
Recent visiters main Dikh Jaate Hain woh.

Orkut Scraps Shayaris

“Zinda rahe toh phir milenge”.
Magar aap se mil ke
Ish dil ne mehasoos kiya hai ki,
“Aapse milte rahe toh Zinda Rahenge”.

Yeh raat itni tanha kyun hoti hai,
kismat se apni sabko sikayat kyun hoti hai,
Ajeeb khel khelti hai yeh kismat
Jise hum pah nahi sakte

Tammana se nahi tanhai se darte hain,
pyaar se nahi ruswaai se darte hain,
milne ki to bahut chahat hai,
par milne ke baad judaai se darte hain

Yaad aaye to aankhen band na karna,
hum chale bhi jaaye to gum na karna.
Yeh zaruri nahi ki har rishte ka koi naam ho,
per dosti ka ehsaas kabhi dil se kam na karna.

Pyasi nigaho ne har pal unka deedar maanga,
Jaise amavas ne har raat chand maanga.
Ruth gaya woh Khuda bhi humse,
Jab humne apni har duwa mein unka saath maanga
usi se mohabbat kyun hoti hai.

Yaadain teray khluuse ki dustti hain aaj bhi
Milnay ki aarzooain trastii hain aaj bhi
Ankhain hazaar zabt ki koshish kay bawajood
Ruk ruk kay baar baar barstii hain aaj bhi

Phul ki tarah haste raho to hum khush hai,
Dil kholkar jeete raho to hum khush hai,
yeh nahi kehte ki roj milo,
bas kisi din yaad karliya karo to hum khush hai

marathi shayari

Marathi Shayari

Astat khoob sunder dishyala
pan tu majhi aasta aahe
mi tula prem karto, vishwas thev majha var
kashyala vichar karte tu samaajhacha…

sports

from four to six-road to the cup that counts.........

I knew it is going to be longer one than any other posts that I have posted in my blog, when I thought of writing a summary post for Indian campaign in Cricket World Cup 2011. There were so many upsets, turn-downs, break-throughs throughout the tournament, and team India had tackled hard games and great pressures to reach finals and clinch the title after 28 years. It is the collective result of Cool Captaincy, Team Performance, Hard Experiences together. This Indian team is not so familiar, though they were still dependent on their batting, I could watch a more secure India, which comprised young Indians who can handle the home pressure and experienced men who can lead the team all through the tournament. They got compliments which they deserved from Ricky Ponting, Shahid Afridi and even Kumar Sangakkara after each knock-out games they had dodged and stormed in. I had been waiting for 43 days to make a binary post on CWC'11, and it is a 1 over 0 for me now. We will go from match 1...

'Bang'ing start

     The tournament started with a flashy drive to boundary from the trusted Virender Sehwag against the Bangladesh. It was all blitzkrieg as it was the first revenge game for Team India against Bangladesh who smashed the world cup dreams in 2007. But the opponents were grit on chasing the huge target 371 and fell short of only 87 runs. Once again Indian bowling was poor I could say, which was recovered massively later in the tournament.

The 'Tie'

     Second match for India was against the English, who were one of the predicted contenders India had faced. But the match was a zig-zag. It seemed to be in favor of either team in sharp moments. Much of turnarounds happened and the result was an achievement - a tie, and the credit goes to Zaheer and Shahzad.

Minnows

     Next two matches were against the Minnows Ireland and Netherlands, who performed well against the English, but failed to make an impression against the hosts as India won both matches by 5 wickets.

Lost match

    It was against the mighty proteas the team India lost their tails and so nerves. Losing 9 wickets for 29 runs, after being in a position of 267-1 with Sachin on crease, is really horrible. They couldn't even make it to a 300 as Steyn stroke through the middle and tail, and stormed to a 5 wicket haul. 296 was a below par total for the South African batting line up but the match was lost by only three wickets and two balls left. Disappointed but not so much. Literally this loss helped as a booster to team India.

Strike back

     Final group stage match was against Windies, and this was the first all bowling match of the tournament for team India. Chasing a total of 269 and being in a position of 154-2 will really put any opponent under immense pressure, but the young Indian Bowling attack with Ashwin and Zaheer from front dodged the dreams of West Indies to storm in to knock out with a smash, and it was team India which flashed into the knock-outs with a victory margin of 80.

Quarter Final

    And the party began from here for India. They were to play against their old rivals of 2003 finals - the current champions then - Australia. Real domination of spin had begun. Ashwin was amazing throughout the game with 8 power play overs and the penultimate over, had just given an economy of 5.2 and taken 2 important wickets. Unlike the 2003 final, this time century of Ponting had gone in vain as the Yuvraj and Raina lead the team India to victory and it was all chaos for Ricky. During press meet he accepted India as a better team and favored it to win the semi-finals against Pakistan, who stopped the Australian winning streak earlier. Thus the Australians retired from the World Cup Domination after 12 years.

Semi Final - The Clash of Titans

     It was the most awaited match than the final as India and Pakistan met in Mohali. This time it was not really a prestige game, but a pressure game. But the players from both the sides shown extreme game spirit, and Afridi, far better than what he had been as a youngster with tensions and emotions, had shown how a captain should behave. Once again it was India beat Pakistan in a World Cup match, but no more shout against the latter as they played extremely well and the only person blamed was Misbah who had been on crease for long time without scoring enough runs to match the Indians. In reality, India bowled well against him and he couldn't do much against the mightier.

Final - The Fairy Tale Ending

     April 2, 2011 - the day which will be remembered the most. Indian President Devi Prathiba Patil and Sri Lankan President Rajapakse, Bollywood stars, Kollywood King Super Star Rajnikanth, Rahul Gandhi, and so on till the list ends' present at the New Wankhede Stadium was just like a Who's Who. Immense pressure on both sides. Srilanka had stormed in the finals with classy victories in group matches and knock-outs against England and New Zealand. Dilshan, Sangakkara, Tharanga, Malinga and the Champion Murali playing his last ODI made a powerful combination for the previous 43 days which literally gave no chance for the middle order to feel any pressure. Indian side had been playing all pressure games and their confidence lied on control over their play. No more reckoning first over from Zaheer, remarkable maiden indeed. Bowling three consecutive maidens and taking the wicket of a well established opener of the tournament was another pearl added to the mighty Zaheer's crown. But in the end of the innings it was all splattered over boundaries for the century maker Jayawardene and long shots from the finisher Perera. Sri Lankans all together got a much more defendable total of 274, which is also possible to be chased down. 

    Indian innings started with a big collapse of Viru off the second ball of the innings, followed by Sachin's caught behind wicket. Then came the Kolkata nightmare pair, Gauti and Kohli who stabilized the innings, and Kohli departed of a flier catch from Dilshan. Captain Dhoni brings himself up in the order and gave a sensational partnership with Gautam, who departed 3 short of a glorious century. Finally Dhoni comes back to form and ended the tournament with a straight six. THE CUP WAS WON!!! CWC'11 started with a four of Sehwag, ended with a six from Dhoni.

     Dhoni adjudged man of the match and Yuvraj Singh was given the Player of the Series award. Captain lifts the cup and the other team members carried the Master Blaster Sachin Tendulkar around the stadium with much joy. This little man really deserves to carry the World Cup and the Cup itself deserves to be carried by Sachin. The big Indians refuse to be beaten and shown their extreme ability and nerves to clinch the Cup. The greatest moment was when the fans could see their favorites weep - Tears of joy around Wankhede - fantasy ending as a fairy tale. 

     

BLEED BLUE!!!
                                                  ashish
ADVANTAGE INDIA......




First day was the worst day. Both the Indian singles lost their respective matches to their Brazilian opponents and after that day it was all smiles over the Chennai crowd as India made its perfect comeback from 0-2 to 3-2. If it was the veteran pair Paes-Bhupathi who brought their nation to life in the Davis Cup, it is young Devvarman to bring to a tie and Bopanna to ensure its Victory. This victory helped India to join the elite world group to have won the tie after being 0-2 down. The 30 year old Indian after the fresh doubles show in the US Open with Aisam Qureshi, delivered his excellent single outcome here. Another single blast Devvarman was referring the earlier defeats as a saviorship match. He mentioned,"..friday didn't hurt us, in fact it helped us". While talking about Paes, Bhupati explained that Paes plays a level higher than usual when he plays for the country. And the 37year old veteran who completed his 20 year tennis journey said it was the young teammates deserved the victory. Now India has secured what it has required and they look forward for February and to win the first round to ensure avoiding the play-offs. Hail India....!!!.....CHECK TO THE STALEMATE

Most of us might have been familiar with the Indian Crab story. It is the story about how a fisherman kept a basket with crabs  uncovered, and when asked about not closing with lid, he replied "They are Indian Crabs; If one tries to climb up, the other will not let it go and they will pull it back in, hence there is no need for a lid". All right, It is a old story, probably used to teach kids about unity and it is outdated now as India and Indians have improved a far better level. But this story came to my mind when I heard about Vishy's Doctorate Controversy. Asking nationality about a man who made his country proud and an upstanding level in International Chess arena is totally out of sanity.

He appeared to be little hurt when the nationality crisis started and his wife Aruna Anand had immediately faxed his passport and it was sent to the HRD ministry immediately. Treating persons like Anand in this manner will surely disappoint them and their career. Though he had controversies around his neck he tackled 40 mathematicians  beat 39 of them, drawn a match to Srikar Varadaraj - a 14 year old teen from Bangalore. Anand looked cool all around the play and said "I always played under Indian flag and held Indian passport right from the time I took my first overseas trip. I came here to play chess and to enjoy the conference. So let us leave it at that". Aruna later said "Every time he plays a match, the tricolor is placed beside his table, and when he won the world championship, the National Anthem was played. He never bothered about these awards. But asking to prove his nationality is disappointing."

HRD minister Kapil Cibal apologised  to  Anand and  said "I told him that we are sorry for what has transpired. It should not take time [to implement such decisions], but sometime it happens. He has done India proud like Arjun Atwal [who won a top professional golf championship in the U.S. on Monday]. We should be proud of those who climb the heights of global excellence and keep the Indian flag flying.” Meanwhile, Vice Chancellor of the University of Hyderabad Seyed E. Hasnain met Mr Sibal on Tuesday to sort out the issue. He said "There was a system failure, but things have been sorted out and he [Mr. Anand] will be given the degree,”, as clearing the deadlock.

Thanks for Cibal to end the controversy in a smooth manner. Most of the Indian sportsmen prefer to stay in Europe as most of the world tournaments takes place around the continent. By means of just staying there, doesn't mean they are not Indian citizen. They work from outside the country to make the country proud and up on the stage. We have excellent individual sportspersons and they should not be constrained within the sub continent. Only few Indians take sports as their career. It would be better if we let them have some freedom and help to get expertised with International arena. It is every Indian's responsibility to upgrade other Indians. Let an Indian be an Indian....

 

Hindi Shayari

Akelapan aab hamey satata hai…

Akelapan aab hamey satata hai,
din mai sapne or raato ko jagata hai,
kaya karengi esh khali emarat jaise dil ka haal janke,
kyunki aab toh ese bi akelepan se mohabbat si ho gai hai !!!

Akelapan aab hamey satata hai,

Jis pai bi aitbaar kiya, wo bewafa nikla…

Dost dost na raha, pyaar pyaar naa raha
Jis pai bi aitbaar kiya, wo bewafa nikla,
Jinke sath dost ban raha, wo dushman nikla,
mera dost hi mera pyar le udha !!! 0(^_^)o

Dil lagaya nahi jata, lag jata hai…

Dil lagaya nahi jata, lag jata hai!
Pyar kiya nahi jata, ho jata hai!!

Premiyo ke pyar mai tedapne ko wo log kaya samajge!
jin ka kaam pyar walo pai hasna hai!!

Dil lagi ke phool mai kaate tu bahut hai!
Per phoolo ki mehak ke liye wo kaato ka dard bi humne chuma hai !!

Taqdir ke aage kisi ki nahi chalti…

Taqdir ke aage kisi ki nahi chalti,
jis ki chahat ho bas wohi nahi milthi,
pyar toh sabko, kabi na kabi kisi na kisi se jaror hota hai,
per jis pay Dil aa jaye, bas ushki ki mohabbat nahi milthi !!!
0(^_^)o

…Dekh Le

Sheesh mehal main rehne wale’
Dil ka basar bhi dekh le

Khawboon ko hakiquat main badle
Bandh aankhon main dum nahi…
Nab ki udaan barne wale
Juka ke nazar bhi dekh le….

Sango-khisht ne makaan banaye’ (Sang – patthar, Khisht – eent)
Ghar ke jaan rishtoon ne daali….
Mooh mode ke jane wale
Tootne ka manzar bhi dekh le….

Yun to tum ne dekhi duniya
Khaak dekhe jo dekhe tanhaa…
Abki thakaan barne se pehle
Idar ka guzar bhi dekh le….

Tanhayee ko mita sake jo
Humsafar hai dawha nahi…
Jo haat utha ke saath hai maanga
Dua ka aasar bhi dekh le….

Sheesh mehal main rehne wale
Dil ka basar bhi dekh le

Kuch dooriyan to kuch faasle…

“Abhi kuch dooriyan to kuch faasle baaki hai…

Pal pal simatati shaam se kuch roshni baaki hai..

Hame yakin hai woh dekha hua kal aayega zaroor..

Abhi woh hosle to woh ummedein baaki hai…”.

-

Main kuchh aur soch pata nahi…

Main kuchh aur soch pata nahi,
Din-raat rahta hai bas khyal aapka.
Kya ham nibha payenge apni kasmon ko,
Dil me aate hai bas savaal aapka…